Coach Tim's Opinion on Relationships
The most prevalent comment made to people that are trying to deal with alcoholism and are attending a 12th-step program is “don’t”. That is a resounding saying: “don’t get yourself into a relationship for a year”. That seems to say that after a year then you will be skillful enough to try a relationship. Or in my opinion, the person that says that has not been successful in their relationship and “doesn’t want to talk about it”.
There are two reasons that seem to account for over 85% of relapses in dealing with addictions. They are “dual-addictions” or being addicted to other things that are not addressed and “relationships”. In my tenure I will agree to those two. That is why I won’t work with someone or try to help somebody that chooses to “NOT” deal with these two other categories. That is the main reason for my personal struggles as well as struggles that I have encountered in working with other folks.
I take the position that all relationships are assignments: that is that they are set up by the universe to point out a person’s character defects. That must be the creator’s intent because relationships are so go at it. So I say let’s deal with it. Since all non-intimate relationships are based on power or being safe, then that is what needs to be dealt with.
My favorite statement is “If you cannot be safe in a relationship without power then you cannot be intimate.” I believe that the opposite of “intimacy” is power. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
That leads to the questions, “how I can be in a safe relationship?” or “how I can take care of myself spiritually in a relationship?” That concept is what I specialize in with my coaching. Give me a call and we can discuss this topic.
My approach to recovery is based on a holistic and all-inclusive approach and this is significant in dealing with relationship issues. I believe that this situation needs to be faced by physical, emotional, mental and especially spiritual means. I believe that the most significant item that needs to be included into a relationship recovery plan is “accountability”. Accountability is the keystone of all good recovery plans.